Jimmy, Jimmy

I remember digging in the sand underneath the slide at Brookwood School with Jimmy. I can't remember Jimmy's last name but I seem to recall it was a color, like White or Brown. It might have even been Gray. It probably wasn't Pink or Yellow and certainly not Cerise or Lavender.

In any event, I recall that we were perfectly happy doing what we were doing, though exactly what we were doing escapes me. Were we building a castle? I have a vague recollection of plastic army men, but I could be wrong.

The rest of the boys in our class were playing baseball in the field beyond. I can still hear their voices and I still remember how uninterested I was in sports at the time. In Jimmy I had found a kindred spirit. Who needed to sweat in a field and run stupidly after a ball? We had our imaginations.

I do, however, remember that this is the precise moment I realized I was different. I wasn't like the other boys and this revelation produced a certain sense of discomfort.

Review: The Lord Won't Mind by Gordon Merrick

In some ways, it's like reading ancient history; I just purchased a copy of Gordon Merrick's The Lord Won't Mind and One for the Gods. I got a really good deal from hamiltonbook.com.

The publishing date for The Lord Won't Mind is 1970; Gods was published in 1971. The setting is initially Connecticut, later on it's New York. The time is 1940.

Merrick wastes no time in preliminaries. Charlie and Peter have sex the first night. Later on, they discover they're in love. I like this aspect of the story and I think it still rings true today. I still believe that for most men -- gay straight or otherwise -- sex is priority and love follows. Legion of women and established Christian religions would have us believe otherwise or maybe they want us to believe otherwise or perhaps they want to convince themselves otherwise. Sex is first, then men may discover they're in love.

Charlie is deeply closeted; no -- he's behind the closet. He even goes so far as to get married to a woman. And he never really accepts himself until the end of the story. It's a central theme and pivotal to his relationship with Peter, who readily accepts his lot in life. And if you think that this aspect of the story is anachronistic, think again. There are still men, even in the new millennium, who marry or have sex with women to deny their sexuality.

The story is rife with anachronisms. The endearments they use with each other as well as Charlie's grandmother, C.B. are almost enough to send a diabetic into insulin shock. Peter and Charlie rapidly fall into a male-female, dominant-submissive partnership which is somewhat a throwback, although some couples even today do follow this pattern. Even the housekeeping and cooking is designated to Charlie, the submissive partner.

I was kind of disappointed with CB. At first, she is fun and campy if a bit controlling. Later on in the story she becomes a domineering, homophobic bitch which was sad. It reminded me of Mary Anne Singleton in the Tales of the City series, although CB was never naive. I found myself rooting for CB as I did for Mary Anne until she, like Mary Anne, reveals her true stripes.

I was also surprised by the explicitness of the novel at first. Then I remembered that the early 70's were still steeped in the sexual revolution and perhaps Merrick took the opportunity to shock and titillate his audience.
One giant part that did not ring true with me was when Peter's benefactor just gives him $50,000. That just doesn't jive with reality at all.

It was a fun read but as a writer, there were really few ideas that I would use in a story.